Day 3 – August 26, 2011
Well he finished his third day on the street. Already worked a few hours over. I’m not sure how it went, I didn’t get a feel for his attitude. He told me about a call he got and then he had to do some extra hours cause of some reports he had to write up. Overall I believe he had a decent night.
He was supposed to be here by now but we had a bit of set back on my part. Im having some heart rate issues that the doctors are concerned about so im in critical care unit and cant have visitors. He wanted to come anyways but I don’t see why come all this way and sit in a waiting room in hopes that maybe they will let him see me. So I told him to stay home and rest, but of course he wouldn’t why would he sleep in on his first day off. Nope he gets up and goes out of his way to get something I don’t know what and go get lunch. If I were him I would of stayed in bed and made a yummy home cooked meal. Rather then fatty foods. But that’s josh for you, gets lunch out and then will complain to me about his weight for an hour. I don’t mind though just get tired of hearing it everyday hes worse than a woman. Lol
I don’t want to be here anymore. Im so homesick it aint funny, and having to deal with this huge change of not having my hubby to talk to just adds to it. I thought id be ok talking shit out with my mom and brother but they don’t seem to have a lock when it comes to telling josh everything I say to them. He does not need to know im in critical care unit while at work! IF I WERE ON A VENTALATOR AND I WAS DYING! THEN YES TELL HIM but I was ok it was just for safe measures. I don’t believe in stressing him out during his work days. I don’t keep anything from my bf, I just withheld it till he was off work. I don’t think that is wrong. I mean he just started working on the street hes stressed and he saw his first dead body the other day. You know when my family tells him im in critical care unit hes gonna start thinking im gonna die and picture me dead! But of course my family and hubby just say I overreact and that I should tell him, so if the truth is what he wants then I guess ill give it to him.
Im worried, not that we wont make, but that Josh is going to crack before I get home. I hate that im so far away. I know we’re going to be ok he knows were going to be ok but I don’t know that he has it in him to wait for me to get home. Im scared I might lose him if I don’t get out of this critical care unit soon.
Ok so to a better subject, I have now a whole file on my computer of wedding flower arrangements and favors and linens and all kinds of wedding things that I cant wait to get home and have time to go through them with josh. I should mention to those reading that he loves everything about the wedding. He wants to pick the colors, the kinds arrangements, all the little details that most men don’t care about he wants to be involved. I love him for it, granted it gets annoying sometimes its ok I don’t mind it better then him just saying “tell me when to be there.” Lol. I found this dress I really like by Vera Wang that’s some what in my budget that I am dying to go try on. I wanted to keep tradition and not have josh see my dress before hand but at the same time I kind of want his input on what I look like on our special day. I want him to watch me come down the isle and be like damn that’s going to be my wife. I was looking for princess ball gowns but after really thinkin about what Josh likes Im leaning to a mermaid or fit and flare, cause hes a fan of ghetto booty I got going. I was also going to get something that covers my heart surgery scar but now im thinking that I shouldn’t. I want something strapless for sure. Im going to do what josh tells me and be proud that I made it through this. He doesn’t mind it so neither am I.
Ok , well I am starting to not feel well so im going to stop here and finish up later.
Love
Future LEO’s Wife
PS: Forgive those who are only trying to help.
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