Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Day 8 – Ups and Downs return
Day 8 – August 31, 2011
Well today has been an up and down kind of day. Started off really good, then became really crappy now its but up to really good! Josh called me this morning when he got off work. I had set my alarm but he called before it went off. I guess 1:15a.m isn’t early enough for the alarm, I’ll have to remember to change it tonight to 1:05a.m. He was in a good mood. I mean he was exhausted of course, working 3 to 1 am is no joke. But he was in good spirit. I love hearing him talk about work in a happy positive way. After that first day of him hating it and it now getting better , it’s a load off my shoulders. Every night it seems he learns something new, or something new excites him. He rambled on and on about his night. I learned to let him say what he wants to say. I don’t ask for details I just let him tell me what he wants to tell me. If your becoming a LEO gf that’s something you need to learn quick. We talked until he got home and went to bed. I love our late night convo’s. It’s a mess for my sleep schedule but I don’t mind too much. I rather talk to him for half hour then sleep that half hour. We went to bed after that.
This morning I got to leave the hospital for a bit again. I love the freedom they give me, just with I were home to have it. My cousin Jordan came and got me and took me shopping. It was nice. We were sitting at a coffee shop, when some douche bag decided it would be funny to say I got a boob job, cause im still all wrapped up from the heart transplant. So what do I do? I ripped him a new. He had no respect to for me or women probably in that case. He left the shop with his head down. I’m glad Jordan didn’t hear him cause she might of jumped him. She’s cool ass shit but sometimes she can be a bit extreme. We then got some In and Out and chilled at her friends house for a bit. Now im back at the hospital waiting to go finish up my last session of physical activity. YAY
Well I will write again later im sure I haven’t said all I wanted to say yet. So until then bye ya’ll.
Signed,
Future LEO’s Wife
PS: Overreacting causes more harm then the original issue to begin with. Breathe!
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Day 7 - I made it a week!
Day 7 - August 30, 2011
Well, we did it guys, we made it a whole week of him being on the streets! I couldnt be more proud. I can't say that it's getting easier because it's not. It's going to take a while before it gets easier. I hate that i'm not home.
Ok so I had a pretty decent day. The babe worked late, so me waking up at 1 a.m was pointless, so i went back to sleep. He called me at 4 when he was getting into bed but I was so out of it and asleep I dont even remember if we talked. Sorry babe. I then had to do physical which was better this time. I think im doing good and doctors say i am doing good. So that deadline to be home by friday is within my reach! Babe woke up around noon. We talked about his day. He experienced his second dead body. This one was in an accident so I dont think it affected him as drastically as the first one, but it still bothered him. I like that he seems more calm and relaxed when talking about going to work. Its as though hes losing his first day jitters. That makes me feel so much better.
So he went to work early today to finish signing his benefits package and life insurance. He put his mother down as his beneficiary! I was hurt, im still hurt. He didnt even ask me if i wanted to be. Here im supposed to be future wife and he choose his mom. I get that he is attached to her, but he should of at least of asked me. Am I wrong in thinking this way? I mean i made him the sole benificiary of all my stuff years ago. Maybe i'm reading to much into this. He said he'd change it later, i dont want it and i dont need it, I just wanted to be asked.
Today I got to leave the hospital for the first time in like two weeks! They said i'd have to take it easy. So i went to lunch with my cousin Jordan. She took me to the beach and on a farris wheel ride at the santa monica peer. Best thing to happen in a long time. It was so relaxing. I'm not going to lie I cried a little. I was only out for a little over an hour. I became very tired so i thought it best i return to the hospital. Now im laying here watching Tosh.o. Missing my baby.
I will talk to you guys tomorrow. Good night.
Signed,
Future Leo's Wife :)
PS: Enjoy the little things in life.
Well, we did it guys, we made it a whole week of him being on the streets! I couldnt be more proud. I can't say that it's getting easier because it's not. It's going to take a while before it gets easier. I hate that i'm not home.
Ok so I had a pretty decent day. The babe worked late, so me waking up at 1 a.m was pointless, so i went back to sleep. He called me at 4 when he was getting into bed but I was so out of it and asleep I dont even remember if we talked. Sorry babe. I then had to do physical which was better this time. I think im doing good and doctors say i am doing good. So that deadline to be home by friday is within my reach! Babe woke up around noon. We talked about his day. He experienced his second dead body. This one was in an accident so I dont think it affected him as drastically as the first one, but it still bothered him. I like that he seems more calm and relaxed when talking about going to work. Its as though hes losing his first day jitters. That makes me feel so much better.
So he went to work early today to finish signing his benefits package and life insurance. He put his mother down as his beneficiary! I was hurt, im still hurt. He didnt even ask me if i wanted to be. Here im supposed to be future wife and he choose his mom. I get that he is attached to her, but he should of at least of asked me. Am I wrong in thinking this way? I mean i made him the sole benificiary of all my stuff years ago. Maybe i'm reading to much into this. He said he'd change it later, i dont want it and i dont need it, I just wanted to be asked.
Today I got to leave the hospital for the first time in like two weeks! They said i'd have to take it easy. So i went to lunch with my cousin Jordan. She took me to the beach and on a farris wheel ride at the santa monica peer. Best thing to happen in a long time. It was so relaxing. I'm not going to lie I cried a little. I was only out for a little over an hour. I became very tired so i thought it best i return to the hospital. Now im laying here watching Tosh.o. Missing my baby.
I will talk to you guys tomorrow. Good night.
Signed,
Future Leo's Wife :)
PS: Enjoy the little things in life.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Day 6 - Lonely once more
Day 6 - August 29,2011
Well he went back to work today. It sucks balls! I hate his schedule! Im so lonely! But its ok I have to be strong for him. I know that after i get home it will be easier.So for now im gonna tough it out. Today was Josh's Swear in date! Im so proud of him. It's all official now he's a FT Sheriff! I hope he's proud of himself cause he needs to be. He has come so far since he first started. This is huge.
My family has become my biggest pain in the ass. It has been non stop calls from them saying they should of been invited to Josh's swearing in thing. They now think that he was embarressed of them thats why he didnt ask them to come. Um no mother he didnt ask you cause your not his mom. I guess it would of been nice to have my mom there but I get that he didnt mention anything to her or my brother. Its not like they do anything for him. Well they kind do but at the same time they cause more harm then good at points.
I had to do a physical type test today it sucked majorly. I had to walk a mile as fast as i could. Then i had to do some other lunges type things it was just a mess. I hated every part of it. but its what i had to do to be able to leave so hey bring it on Doctor ill do it again tomorrow. no problem lol
Still expected to be home on friday. So i get to see my monkey when he gets off work! AHHH! i cant wait. Five bucks says he'll cry before I do lol. no i doubt that one. I know ill cry for sure, im the cry baby.
Ok im going to set my alarm for 115am and go lay down ill finish this in the morning. Im gonna wait for my love bug to call me on his way home. good night y'all!
Signed,
Future LEO's Wife
PS: What doesnt kill you makes you stronger.
Well he went back to work today. It sucks balls! I hate his schedule! Im so lonely! But its ok I have to be strong for him. I know that after i get home it will be easier.So for now im gonna tough it out. Today was Josh's Swear in date! Im so proud of him. It's all official now he's a FT Sheriff! I hope he's proud of himself cause he needs to be. He has come so far since he first started. This is huge.
My family has become my biggest pain in the ass. It has been non stop calls from them saying they should of been invited to Josh's swearing in thing. They now think that he was embarressed of them thats why he didnt ask them to come. Um no mother he didnt ask you cause your not his mom. I guess it would of been nice to have my mom there but I get that he didnt mention anything to her or my brother. Its not like they do anything for him. Well they kind do but at the same time they cause more harm then good at points.
I had to do a physical type test today it sucked majorly. I had to walk a mile as fast as i could. Then i had to do some other lunges type things it was just a mess. I hated every part of it. but its what i had to do to be able to leave so hey bring it on Doctor ill do it again tomorrow. no problem lol
Still expected to be home on friday. So i get to see my monkey when he gets off work! AHHH! i cant wait. Five bucks says he'll cry before I do lol. no i doubt that one. I know ill cry for sure, im the cry baby.
Ok im going to set my alarm for 115am and go lay down ill finish this in the morning. Im gonna wait for my love bug to call me on his way home. good night y'all!
Signed,
Future LEO's Wife
PS: What doesnt kill you makes you stronger.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Day 5 - What a lame day lol
Day 5 - August 28, 2011
Today was kind of a vanilla day for me. Josh didnt work today and I didnt have any health scares. He had to help his father feed today which is normal for his sunday mornings. We talked things out last night. I think we both just let our emotions get the best of us. I think we are going to be ok though. I should be home by Friday morning. Which is perfect cause thats when his days off start! I cant wait for the snuggle time.
Tomorrow is his Swear in date! im so proud of him!!!!! I hate that i cant be there for it. I can tell he's bummed but my health is more important at this moment. Soon ill be home for everything.
He's been busy today, went to all his nephews football games and his nieces cheerleading. Ain't i just the luckiest to get a man like him? He's gonna be an amazing father some day. For now we'll just enjoy the nieces and nephews for a bit til i get better and after the wedding lol.
I cant believe this is the first time i dont have anything to blog about today has just been a very uneventful day for me im kinda sad lol.
This is Kiah! Josh's new baby. he told me i had to add her pic to my blog lol
Hope your happy love!
Well I'll blog again tomorrow im gonna get settled in for the VMA's lol
Signed,
Future LEO's Wife
PS: Enjoy the little things in life that make you smile.
Today was kind of a vanilla day for me. Josh didnt work today and I didnt have any health scares. He had to help his father feed today which is normal for his sunday mornings. We talked things out last night. I think we both just let our emotions get the best of us. I think we are going to be ok though. I should be home by Friday morning. Which is perfect cause thats when his days off start! I cant wait for the snuggle time.
Tomorrow is his Swear in date! im so proud of him!!!!! I hate that i cant be there for it. I can tell he's bummed but my health is more important at this moment. Soon ill be home for everything.
He's been busy today, went to all his nephews football games and his nieces cheerleading. Ain't i just the luckiest to get a man like him? He's gonna be an amazing father some day. For now we'll just enjoy the nieces and nephews for a bit til i get better and after the wedding lol.
I cant believe this is the first time i dont have anything to blog about today has just been a very uneventful day for me im kinda sad lol.
This is Kiah! Josh's new baby. he told me i had to add her pic to my blog lol
Hope your happy love!
Well I'll blog again tomorrow im gonna get settled in for the VMA's lol
Signed,
Future LEO's Wife
PS: Enjoy the little things in life that make you smile.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Day 4 – I’m Scared
Day 4 – August 27, 2011
Well today Josh didn’t have to work which was a bunch of stress off of me. Guy doesn’t know how to take his days off though, seems like he’s always running around doing something work related. Something I read off other blogs is that work will consume them if they allow it too. And I’m scared to say so but I’m thinking it’s going to consume Josh. All I hear him say now is I need to go get this for work, or I need to get my uniforms ready for work, I need to study for work. He’s so caught up in his job, and he doesn’t give himself any confidence. I wish he could come in my shoes for a day and believe in himself as much as I do. I know that with anyone starting a new job its nerve wrecking at the beginning. I remember when I took complete control of my dairy when my grandfather passed away I was scared shit less, every day I would come home and tell my grandma I hated it and I wanted to quit and everyday she would pick me up and tell me I could do it. I guess I’m taking my grandmothers roll now in telling josh that he can do it. I need to take this minute to thank you grandma for doing that for me now I see how hardheaded I was, now that I have to deal with josh’s hardheadedness.
Its days like today that I wish she were still here with me. She was just such a strong woman I can’t comprehend how she did it day in and day out. Josh and I haven’t really talked much, few texts here and there. I get that he’s let down and upset that he couldn’t come see me but I wish there were a way I could make him see the bigger picture. Ok yes he couldn’t come this weekend but I’ll be home soon and healthier and with him every day. He has this attitude towards me today and last night that makes it seem like he’s blaming me for getting sick. It’s not my fault I just had a heart transplant!
The words no girl wants to hear from the man of her dreams came out of mine today. Text read “seems like your giving up on us” really? Umm who’s online researching your career all day? Who’s trying to adjust to the huge change just thrown at her? Who’s still planning a wedding? Who’s trying to get better and come home and be there for you and be that wifey you always wanted? Who sets alarms at 1 A.M to be able to talk to you after work? Who bought you a three thousand dollar dog to cheer you up from work? Who gives you the pick me up talks when your stressed out? Who the fuck is trying to do everything she can from 6 hours away? My ass is. He makes me feel so unappreciated. I get that I’m not home but look at all the other shit I am still able to do for you. The little things don’t matter to him. I feel like he just wants the big picture but you have to take a bunch of little ones to finally understand and have the big one. I go out of my way to understand what he is going through, I Google shit I call people, I email people all just to understand what being a sheriff and a sheriff’s girlfriend is and he doesn’t care. Five years into our relationship has he put forth the same effort to look into what I’m going through? Does he know what CHF is? Has he googled heart transplants or Lupus condition? Nope nothing. Yet, I am the one giving up. Reality checks Josh I busting my ass to be with you.
On to another thing cause I know that paragraph is just going to make him mad, because not even 24 hrs in my family has already told him about this blog. I guess I don’t care I’m still going to continue it and speak my mine that is for sure. I love my family I just wish they would step back a little. I know they care about me but I don’t think they realize that they cause so much tension between Josh and me. My bro tells Josh stuff that’s going on but doesn’t clarify it and then Josh thinks the worse and gets mad at me for not telling him. So I look like the bad guy again. It’s whatever guess I just have to deal with my overly nosey family. It’s better than them hating him I suppose. I guess my brothers invited Josh to a bbq tomorrow and of course it saddens me. Does that make me selfish that I don’t want everyone hanging out with my man? I want to be there too. But I can’t say anything because it makes me selfish and Josh gets all mad at me and lashes out and says shit like what you want me to sit home all fucken day. Um no I don’t want you to sit home all day, but I’m allowed to be sad that I’m stuck in a hospital and you’re not. Just like if you were at work and I were to spend Christmas with you family I’m sure you’d be sadden that you didn’t get to be there, right?
I’m really starting to love blogging. Last night I wanted to get up and turn on my laptop just to get some things off my chest. I become my new form of stress releasing. I just sit here take a deep breath and just let my fingers say what my heart doesn’t want to hold in. I wish josh would take the time to do something similar, I’m not saying he needs to start a blog, heck no he wouldn’t have the time, but I wish he would just sit in his favorite couch, take a deep breath, and think about shit and realize that I’m not the bad guy and I’m not out to purposely make it to where he can’t see me and the fact that he blames me really affects me.
I got a release date of September 2nd, and I’m hoping that it’s not a letdown. I’m ready to be home. Be lazy for a bit, heal up, play with all my animals, snuggle with my hubby, make him dinner, be his little house wife until I can start going back to work, plan our wedding. Just the little things in life that I took for granted before. I just want to sit on the couch at midnight with my bowl of cereal waiting for my babe to come home. That’s it. That’s all I want lol cheesy huh?
Is it hard to be a LEO’s gf? Extremely! Especially in our situation. Granted I’m scared of losing him I going to work my ass off to make us work. I love him to death and I don’t know what I would do without him.
Signed,
Future Leo’s Wife
PS: Just when you want to give up, grab yourself by the balls and keep truckin’.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Day 3 – Back on the rocky road
Day 3 – August 26, 2011
Well he finished his third day on the street. Already worked a few hours over. I’m not sure how it went, I didn’t get a feel for his attitude. He told me about a call he got and then he had to do some extra hours cause of some reports he had to write up. Overall I believe he had a decent night.
He was supposed to be here by now but we had a bit of set back on my part. Im having some heart rate issues that the doctors are concerned about so im in critical care unit and cant have visitors. He wanted to come anyways but I don’t see why come all this way and sit in a waiting room in hopes that maybe they will let him see me. So I told him to stay home and rest, but of course he wouldn’t why would he sleep in on his first day off. Nope he gets up and goes out of his way to get something I don’t know what and go get lunch. If I were him I would of stayed in bed and made a yummy home cooked meal. Rather then fatty foods. But that’s josh for you, gets lunch out and then will complain to me about his weight for an hour. I don’t mind though just get tired of hearing it everyday hes worse than a woman. Lol
I don’t want to be here anymore. Im so homesick it aint funny, and having to deal with this huge change of not having my hubby to talk to just adds to it. I thought id be ok talking shit out with my mom and brother but they don’t seem to have a lock when it comes to telling josh everything I say to them. He does not need to know im in critical care unit while at work! IF I WERE ON A VENTALATOR AND I WAS DYING! THEN YES TELL HIM but I was ok it was just for safe measures. I don’t believe in stressing him out during his work days. I don’t keep anything from my bf, I just withheld it till he was off work. I don’t think that is wrong. I mean he just started working on the street hes stressed and he saw his first dead body the other day. You know when my family tells him im in critical care unit hes gonna start thinking im gonna die and picture me dead! But of course my family and hubby just say I overreact and that I should tell him, so if the truth is what he wants then I guess ill give it to him.
Im worried, not that we wont make, but that Josh is going to crack before I get home. I hate that im so far away. I know we’re going to be ok he knows were going to be ok but I don’t know that he has it in him to wait for me to get home. Im scared I might lose him if I don’t get out of this critical care unit soon.
Ok so to a better subject, I have now a whole file on my computer of wedding flower arrangements and favors and linens and all kinds of wedding things that I cant wait to get home and have time to go through them with josh. I should mention to those reading that he loves everything about the wedding. He wants to pick the colors, the kinds arrangements, all the little details that most men don’t care about he wants to be involved. I love him for it, granted it gets annoying sometimes its ok I don’t mind it better then him just saying “tell me when to be there.” Lol. I found this dress I really like by Vera Wang that’s some what in my budget that I am dying to go try on. I wanted to keep tradition and not have josh see my dress before hand but at the same time I kind of want his input on what I look like on our special day. I want him to watch me come down the isle and be like damn that’s going to be my wife. I was looking for princess ball gowns but after really thinkin about what Josh likes Im leaning to a mermaid or fit and flare, cause hes a fan of ghetto booty I got going. I was also going to get something that covers my heart surgery scar but now im thinking that I shouldn’t. I want something strapless for sure. Im going to do what josh tells me and be proud that I made it through this. He doesn’t mind it so neither am I.
Ok , well I am starting to not feel well so im going to stop here and finish up later.
Love
Future LEO’s Wife
PS: Forgive those who are only trying to help.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Day 2 Keeping my spirits up
Day 2 August 25, 2011
Well I made it threw another day. I can't say it's getting much easier yet. Didnt get to talk to him yesterday before work I had doctors in and out of my room all day. I suppose his day went better, he called me again when he got off. No dead people this time, thank goodness i had so many night mares last night of his experience. Not something I revealed to him though. I guess he and I will be developing thicker skin together. That should be good. He's still stressed out though. I can see why just wish there were more I could say over a phone that would make him just an ounce more relaxed.
Today starts his Day three. then he has a three day weekend, and thankfully he's coming down to see me!!! I can't wait. Sucks we'll be stuck in a hospital all weekend but its much needed for the both of us. I just want to hold him, so he knows that I love him. Thats all we both need at this point just to hold each other, so we can both feel safer for a moment. A few kisses and other stuff doesnt hurt either hehe its been a long time.
Some day when he finally reads this i know whats gonna be going through his head, I can quote it " you would say that babe"' is what he'll be thinking. but knowing my family and how much they love him, he already discovered this blog. So i need him to know that yea some parts in it are sad but i am not crying, I cry too much. really i do. lol but Im doing this not only to help me cope but also in the hope that it helps just one girl that is starting this same journey down the road some day just like i am. I have been reading a bunch of different blogs and they are all so helpful. probably too helpful my monkey and brother both thought there was something wrong with me last night cause i was handling the situation to well. I love my boys though they care about me.
This one is alot more scattered then the last post, and I think its cause im typing what comes to mind which is easier then the last one which took me hours to write. I like to free hand things. Im ditsy and random in talking so why not be in writing right? lol
oh we have a new family member joining the family, her name is Kiah, she's a german shepard I adopted last night, shes trained in family protection and police action, super friendly girl. It's what Josh (not his real first name just for privacy concerns for him to be comfy) always wanted a german shepard. The lady at the kennel said that it would be good idea to get her now for josh cause the dogs can sense the stress of the LEO and they just have a natural connection that will help him relax. Granted hes going to have to keep up with her training too. It cost a bit but its going to be worth it i think shes really going to be that factor in josh's life that makes him feel safer at work. i mean i know he isnt going to be taking her to work but when hes home, the kennel lady says they will have this bond where the dog will know what josh is going thru because it runs in the dogs life line. Kiah parents and grandparents are all retired law enforcement dogs. The lady explained it as if your parents are painters or farmers then the child will automatacially have a sense of those things. understand? anyways im excited for her
I'll write again tomorrow after he gets here.
Signed,
Future LEO Wife :)
PS. when things get hard, that just makes you stronger.
Well I made it threw another day. I can't say it's getting much easier yet. Didnt get to talk to him yesterday before work I had doctors in and out of my room all day. I suppose his day went better, he called me again when he got off. No dead people this time, thank goodness i had so many night mares last night of his experience. Not something I revealed to him though. I guess he and I will be developing thicker skin together. That should be good. He's still stressed out though. I can see why just wish there were more I could say over a phone that would make him just an ounce more relaxed.
Today starts his Day three. then he has a three day weekend, and thankfully he's coming down to see me!!! I can't wait. Sucks we'll be stuck in a hospital all weekend but its much needed for the both of us. I just want to hold him, so he knows that I love him. Thats all we both need at this point just to hold each other, so we can both feel safer for a moment. A few kisses and other stuff doesnt hurt either hehe its been a long time.
Some day when he finally reads this i know whats gonna be going through his head, I can quote it " you would say that babe"' is what he'll be thinking. but knowing my family and how much they love him, he already discovered this blog. So i need him to know that yea some parts in it are sad but i am not crying, I cry too much. really i do. lol but Im doing this not only to help me cope but also in the hope that it helps just one girl that is starting this same journey down the road some day just like i am. I have been reading a bunch of different blogs and they are all so helpful. probably too helpful my monkey and brother both thought there was something wrong with me last night cause i was handling the situation to well. I love my boys though they care about me.
This one is alot more scattered then the last post, and I think its cause im typing what comes to mind which is easier then the last one which took me hours to write. I like to free hand things. Im ditsy and random in talking so why not be in writing right? lol
oh we have a new family member joining the family, her name is Kiah, she's a german shepard I adopted last night, shes trained in family protection and police action, super friendly girl. It's what Josh (not his real first name just for privacy concerns for him to be comfy) always wanted a german shepard. The lady at the kennel said that it would be good idea to get her now for josh cause the dogs can sense the stress of the LEO and they just have a natural connection that will help him relax. Granted hes going to have to keep up with her training too. It cost a bit but its going to be worth it i think shes really going to be that factor in josh's life that makes him feel safer at work. i mean i know he isnt going to be taking her to work but when hes home, the kennel lady says they will have this bond where the dog will know what josh is going thru because it runs in the dogs life line. Kiah parents and grandparents are all retired law enforcement dogs. The lady explained it as if your parents are painters or farmers then the child will automatacially have a sense of those things. understand? anyways im excited for her
I'll write again tomorrow after he gets here.
Signed,
Future LEO Wife :)
PS. when things get hard, that just makes you stronger.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Day 1 LEO training begins
DAY 1-August 24, 2011
Well day one is officially over and it’s a lot harder than I anticipated. I know I need to be more understanding I know that but it’s such a big change. I just miss him so damn much I just want him to myself. We talked a bit before he went to his first day on the street. I could tell in his voice he was nervous as hell, he had this tone and attitude towards me. I should expect it for the next few months. What he is doing is so dangerous, here I thought it was going to be a few speeding tickets and some house calls he was going to be doing, especially on his first day on the street, but no of course not, it had to be a homicide. Boyfriend shot his girlfriend a few times, so his first day equals his first dead body. Can you say intense?
He works 3 p.m till about 1 a.m. So sleep is from 2 a.m till about 10 a.m. and for me to go from talking to him all day when he worked the court house to not talking to him at all is just difficult. I don’t know what to do with my time now. I was so depressed yesterday. I should mention that I just had a heart transplant. So I am laid up in a hospital bed 6 hours away from him. Granted I’m doing well, I know he worries about me and the timing for him to go to the street is just not right. I am trying to be tough girl for him but the change is dramatic. I’ve been there for him since he started thinking about going to the academy and I’m going to be there forever I love him, but I never pictured becoming a LEO girlfriend to be so hard.
So he called me on his way home, I tried to stay awake but he woke me up with his call. I’m glad he called. First thing I learned is to never ask how his day went. He will bring it up if he wants. Being a sheriff is intense and sometimes they don’t want to relive what they have had to with their entire shift. So I didn’t ask, I told him I loved him and that I was proud of him, he told me he hated it. The dead body was too much for him to handle. So I did what any supportive girlfriend would do and I talked him through it. He seemed a little better by the time he got home and went to bed. We said good night and that was it, no talk of how my day was or how I was feeling. I have to learn that it’s going to be about him and not me. I know that sounds selfish but I do not say it to be selfish I say it because it’s a huge change. We’d talk before for hours about what we were doing and what we did, now it’s what he did and how tired he is. I’m hoping it gets better once I get to go home from the hospital.
Day two is about to begin and it’s not starting off well on my end. He got some sleep, I was worried that after his first day and first dead body he might not be able to sleep well but he called a bit ago and it seems like he’s ok. I’m sure he’s holding a lot of it in. but 3 minutes in he had other things to do to get ready for work again. He’ll call again on his way to work and that will be another fifteen minutes of us talking before not talking to him again until 2 a.m. So going from talking couple hours a day and texting all day to a twenty minute call for over 24 hour period is really getting to me. I am learning from posts online from other LEO wives and girlfriends that this is pretty much how it’s going to be. I shouldn’t expect to have much of his time. I understand that LEO’s have to be focused in work and have a clear head, but at the same time I need my man too. I’m 22 year old girl with congestive heart failure who just endured her second heart transplant, who owns her own dairy business, and is planning a wedding to a 31 year old guy that just became a full time sheriff out on the street, would you not be stressed out too?
I’m sure I’m going to be coming off selfish in this but that’s not the case. I could easily tell him to quit and work on the family farm but no! I want him to live up to his potential. I want him to live his dream. I know he’d quit in a second to stay home and help me run my business, he’s told me a million times, but I know he’d regret it later in life. Sure his first day wasn’t what he expected but he will get some good days and some bad, and I will be there for them all. I am going to continue working on being a better LEO girlfriend. I will leave you guys for now and let you know how Day 2 goes tomorrow.
Signed,
Future LEO Wife J
P.S if you ever read this monkey, I love you and am so proud of you! MUAH!
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