DAY 1-August 24, 2011
Well day one is officially over and it’s a lot harder than I anticipated. I know I need to be more understanding I know that but it’s such a big change. I just miss him so damn much I just want him to myself. We talked a bit before he went to his first day on the street. I could tell in his voice he was nervous as hell, he had this tone and attitude towards me. I should expect it for the next few months. What he is doing is so dangerous, here I thought it was going to be a few speeding tickets and some house calls he was going to be doing, especially on his first day on the street, but no of course not, it had to be a homicide. Boyfriend shot his girlfriend a few times, so his first day equals his first dead body. Can you say intense?
He works 3 p.m till about 1 a.m. So sleep is from 2 a.m till about 10 a.m. and for me to go from talking to him all day when he worked the court house to not talking to him at all is just difficult. I don’t know what to do with my time now. I was so depressed yesterday. I should mention that I just had a heart transplant. So I am laid up in a hospital bed 6 hours away from him. Granted I’m doing well, I know he worries about me and the timing for him to go to the street is just not right. I am trying to be tough girl for him but the change is dramatic. I’ve been there for him since he started thinking about going to the academy and I’m going to be there forever I love him, but I never pictured becoming a LEO girlfriend to be so hard.
So he called me on his way home, I tried to stay awake but he woke me up with his call. I’m glad he called. First thing I learned is to never ask how his day went. He will bring it up if he wants. Being a sheriff is intense and sometimes they don’t want to relive what they have had to with their entire shift. So I didn’t ask, I told him I loved him and that I was proud of him, he told me he hated it. The dead body was too much for him to handle. So I did what any supportive girlfriend would do and I talked him through it. He seemed a little better by the time he got home and went to bed. We said good night and that was it, no talk of how my day was or how I was feeling. I have to learn that it’s going to be about him and not me. I know that sounds selfish but I do not say it to be selfish I say it because it’s a huge change. We’d talk before for hours about what we were doing and what we did, now it’s what he did and how tired he is. I’m hoping it gets better once I get to go home from the hospital.
Day two is about to begin and it’s not starting off well on my end. He got some sleep, I was worried that after his first day and first dead body he might not be able to sleep well but he called a bit ago and it seems like he’s ok. I’m sure he’s holding a lot of it in. but 3 minutes in he had other things to do to get ready for work again. He’ll call again on his way to work and that will be another fifteen minutes of us talking before not talking to him again until 2 a.m. So going from talking couple hours a day and texting all day to a twenty minute call for over 24 hour period is really getting to me. I am learning from posts online from other LEO wives and girlfriends that this is pretty much how it’s going to be. I shouldn’t expect to have much of his time. I understand that LEO’s have to be focused in work and have a clear head, but at the same time I need my man too. I’m 22 year old girl with congestive heart failure who just endured her second heart transplant, who owns her own dairy business, and is planning a wedding to a 31 year old guy that just became a full time sheriff out on the street, would you not be stressed out too?
I’m sure I’m going to be coming off selfish in this but that’s not the case. I could easily tell him to quit and work on the family farm but no! I want him to live up to his potential. I want him to live his dream. I know he’d quit in a second to stay home and help me run my business, he’s told me a million times, but I know he’d regret it later in life. Sure his first day wasn’t what he expected but he will get some good days and some bad, and I will be there for them all. I am going to continue working on being a better LEO girlfriend. I will leave you guys for now and let you know how Day 2 goes tomorrow.
Signed,
Future LEO Wife J
P.S if you ever read this monkey, I love you and am so proud of you! MUAH!
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